Since February is the month we celebrate Valentines, I thought it would be appropriate to recommend a book to all you lovers out there. Over the Holiday's I began reading , The Relationship Cure, by Dr. John Gottman and Joan DeClaire. If you've every had a relationship in your life with anyone (ex. a sibling, a parent, a co-worker, spouse, or partner) this book is for you. You do not have to be in conflict with anyone for this book to be beneficial. You can find it by clicking on the title of this blog.
This book is based on research and goes into detail about how our brain plays a part in how we respond to one another, explains how we often find ourselves in conflict with another, and provides alternatives to make our relationships better.
If your relationship is experiencing conflict, Gottman suggests you have 3 options:
1.Attack and Defend
2.Avoid or deny
3.Self-disclose and connect
When the first two don't work, because they won't, remember to focus on your feelings the moment you get upset (you may even re-label your feeling or give it a name, reframe your thinking ( ex. think differently is she really being crabby because she hates me or is she overwhelmed because she needs my help), and redirect your behavior)-If you would like to yell, you can choose not to (a re-directing behavior), but you can say "I am so mad I would like to yell." You can talk about your anger instead of lashing out.
For a greater understanding of these concepts I would encourage you to read this book and seek counseling. You can reach Trinity Counseling Center, Inc. at 256-883-3231. or email me at jessica.cleveland@trinitycounseling.com
Glad you enjoying the book, and I LOVED the plug at the end about counseling. It made me laugh! :)
ReplyDelete