Since it is now February, I thought it might be beneficial to write concerning relationships considering one of the topics for this years blogs is what girls should know about boys. First things first, girls, you should know that intimacy isn't something you can do alone. It's very nature assumes a relationship, and that means there are gonna be some risk involved. As women and young girls we often fall into the trap of trying to control both sides of the relationship, but there is one half of the relationship we cannot control (our guys half).
Giving up this control can be difficult if your trust has been broken, or you have been hurt in either the present or the past. However, these feeling of distrust need not annihilate you any longer. Instead, lets build a "Working Relationship."
To assess the quality of your relationship to see if it's working , Ellen Bass and Laura Davis in their book "The Courage to Heal" recommend asking yourself the following questions:
Do I respect this person?
Does this person respect me?
Is this a person I can communicate with?
Do we work through conflicts well?
Do we both compromise?
Is there give and take?
Can I be honest? Can I show my feelings?
Do we both take responsibility for the relationships successes and problems?
Could I talk to this person about the effect that my past relationships is having on our relationship?
Is there room for me to grow and change in this relationship?
Is this person supportive of the kind of changes I am trying to make?
Is this person willing to help me?
If you can answer yes to most of this you are most likely in a solid working relationship. If not, the relationship may be new and you may need to ask more questions. If most of the answers are no, you may consider counseling or ending the relationship. It is so important to realize when we are in a bad relationship and end it quickly. Be on guard girls.
Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart for out of it comes the well spring of life.
I hope your Valentines Day and everyday of your life is filled with love and happiness.
Jessica D. Cleveland, ALC, NCC
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