That's right folks, 2010 is slowly approaching. Since I will be out of the office the early part of January, I thought it might be appropriate to go ahead and post an early message regarding the new year. The later part of 2009, I have been pondering "What is it that Girl's need to know when it comes to relationships with boys?" This blog will talk about a few things I have concluded so far based on personal interviews with teen girls and some feedback from research, but I welcome you comments and thoughts as I am planning on writing more about these matters throughout the year.
GOAL #1 for 2010:Make Better Decisions
I was first inspired to ask this question when I ran across this quote from a fellow blogger regarding physical intimacy, “Physical intimacy is intoxicating like alcohol. It will cloud your judgment, inhibit critical thinking, and make you do things that later you may regret. And the consequences for girls are usually more devastating than for boys.” http://heartkeepercommonroom.blogspot.com/2008/07/intoxicated-tweens.html
I wasn't sure that I fully bought into this idea, until I began to look at the statistics on teen pregnancy (although improved they are still not great), and hear girl after girl talk without hesitation about engaging in sexual activity without the use of birth control or any other protection.
FACTS:
The U.S. teen pregnancy rate for teens aged 15-19 decreased 40 percent between 1990 and 2005. After reaching 117 pregnancies per 1,000 girls aged 15-19 in 1990, the pregnancy rate has decreased to 70.6 pregnancies per 1,000 girls aged 15-19 in 2005. (Pregnancy data include births, abortions, and miscarriages.)
The Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (YRBS) was developed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in 1990 to monitor teen sexual behavior, tobacco and alcohol use, and other behaviors. The survey is conducted every two years and provides data on 9th through 12th grade students in public and private schools in the United States. In 2007, 47.8 percent of all high school students report they have had sexual intercourse. The percentage of high school students who have had sex decreased 16 percent between 1991 and 2007 (54.1 percent to 47.8 percent).
http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/national-data/pdf/TeenSexActivityOnePager.pdf
GOAL #2 2010: LIKE MYSELF
Modern songs such as this one by Christian singer and Song Writer, Johnny Diaz puts so many modern teens view in perspective in the word’s of his song “More beautiful you” The lyrics in this song, speak to the poor self-esteem, that may aid in the disregard for self care and protection, but also offer hope to young girls that true love is still out there.
Little girl 14
Looking through a magazine
Say’s she wants to look that way
But her hair isn’t straight
Her body isn’t fake and she’s
Always been overweight
Little girl 14
I wish that you could see that beauty is within your heart
And I can promise you,
There’s a man whose love is true that will treat you like the jewel you are
When I asked girls what they wanted or needed these three things came up over and over again:
1. Want to be liked
2. To have confidence in themselves
3. For some, but no all “to be more popular”
However, they often don’t associate being able to gain these things when they feel that they lack beauty, talent, luck, or wealth. That is why it is difficult for any young teenage girl to grasp the fact that success in life or relationships is not determined by ones ability to be or look as perfect as a center-fold model. Where do girls get these ideals: Try everywhere! Here are few examples:
1. Movie stars, singers, and other performer’s bodies are cropped on computers and presented to young women through the media as ideal.
2. Friend groups begin to form based on dress, popularity, and personality.
3. Their bodies begin to change, boys starts to notice and respond. This experience is like shell shock to some young women, and cause questions to cycle in the mind such as “What do I do, what does all this mean?”
4. Suddenly, what was simple before becomes complicated and what once meant absolutely nothing now means everything.
For these reasons teenagers will seek out doctors for minor acne problems etc (see Olson book on the importance of relationships
GOAL #3 2010: Learning What I Need To Know and Putting it into Practice
Here are my conclusions about what girls need to know. I will continue to blog and write more specifically about these matters beginning late January, February, and March in our newsletter, which can be read monthly at www.trinitycounseling.info
1. How to say “No” and not feel guilty
2. What a “Working Relationship” looks like
3. How to love and respect my body and self
I look forward to reading your comments.
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