Need for Connection

I can remember from a very young age wanting, and deeply desiring to be accepted, to be picked to be on the "team" of my peers that I preferred. It was a longing that came from deep within, and ended in either great disappointment, or joyous jubilation. As human beings, we all long to be accepted, wanted, needed, and validated. Even our culture encourages us to engage in certain behaviors and to participate in popular trends for this reason alone. Speaking of being alone....it is not a way we were "meant" to be.

If fact were created to be relational, and when our lives don't involve others, let's face it, we're generally unhappy. You may be thinking, "now wait a minute," there are some things or people I could live without." Well maybe, but researchers and counselors who study relationships, such as Barry G. Ginsberg founder of the Center of Relationship Enhancement (CORE) suggests that is the actual stress of relationships that keeps us alive, as long as there's not too much stress. In fact it is the difficult things that become the themes of our relationships and the reciprocation that comes from these difficulties that can ultimately lead to greater intimacy and stability if emotions are regulated properly.In sum, It's not the problems couple's or individuals solve that but instead how they deal with their emotions connected to the problem.

For example, If your partner says to you "You forgot to call and make your doctors appointment today" you either both recognize the feeling of disappointment as the reason for the statement or you feel criticized and and become defensive.

To come together and connect, both individuals and couples have to learn to identify underlying feelings that motivate their expressions. This can be done by practicing expressing feelings which involves speaking and listening...which with time allows us to accept and understand one another, thus we feel and become more connected.



You can read more about this in Counseling Today, June 2012 issue v. 54/number 12

BOOKS I'm reading this month

Here are the names of two books you might find interesting if you want to educate yourself on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and helping teens become more confident.

BRAIN LOCK: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior by Jeffrey M. Schwartz M.D.


THINK confident be confident for teens by Mraci G. Fox, PhD and Leslie Sokol, PhD

Am I ugly?

Am I ugly? It is a question being ask by teens to YouTube viewers around the world. It is a trend that began in the early part of this year. Some say it is an attempt to get attention, others say it comes from low self-esteem, and others suggest that it's due to lacking knowledge of what's shareable. After all, today's social media has made it easy to share everything.

The reason behind these disturbing videos could possibly be related to the reason's listed above. However, it is important to also consider that adolescence is a trying time of self-learning and figuring out where one fits into society. Therefore,it is crucial to direct adolescents attention away for what others think, and move them to focus on their own thoughts,knowledge,and values.

To do this, an adolescent may need to explore "What they are" (for example, "I am lovable and capable")list the reasons why they think this is true or untrue about themselves and challenge any mistaken beliefs. They must question whether or not their thinking of themselves is useful or not. If a thought process is not helping you reach a positive goal, then it is not useful. Therefore, it should be disregarded, and the adolescent should re-focus on a task that helps them reach a productive goal.

They also need to identify "What they are learning," (for example, I am learning to let go of doubt's and fears) and begin to identify behaviors that help them accomplish goals.

Making a list of things they need (for example, "I need companionship with peers," or I need more understanding from parents and teachers,") may be useful to help them identify goals and plans to reach those goals. They may require assertive training, which can be taught in a counseling setting, or they may just need to be encouraged by a helpful parent, peer, or adult.

Last but not least, it is crucial that adolescents learn how to deal with Criticism in an objective fashion. This occurs in two steps:

1. They must evaluate the source or criticism- Ask themselves, "Does this person no enough about me, my skills, and abilities to criticize me?" "Do they have a bias?" If so, this person is not qualified to criticize them.

2. It's also important to ask for details-Do not accept blanket criticism. Ask the person to be specific about what actions he or she thinks you need to take to improve you're performance.

These strategies serve to only build up the individual in a realistic, logical way. We all must first know who we are,what we think, and what we value before we seek the opinion's of others and start building our life around them.

Be Bold!

Jessica D. Cleveland, M.S., NCC, LPC

Seasons of Change

Hello everyone, Spring is upon us and with the Spring comes many wonderful changes.Just to name a few...

1. Warm weather
2. Beautiful flowers
3. more sunny days

Trinity Counseling Center is also making a few big changes this year! We are now called Behavioral Sciences of Alabama. We are also offering some new services. These services include:

1. Cogmed Working Memory Training
2. More Specialized treatment of Anxiety Disorders

Cogmed Working Memory Training is a non-pharmaceutical intervention that is used to improve working memory in people who suffer from ADHD, Traumatic Brain Injury,the early affects of aging, Alzheimer etc. To find out if you or a loved one may benefit from this please read more at www.cogmed.com or visit our website at www.behavioralsciences.us.

To learn more about our advanced treatment of anxiety disorders please visit www.writeyourfearsaway.com

Let me know if you have any questions!

Jessica D. Cleveland, M.S., NCC, LCP

Talking with Girls

What comes to mind when you hear a reference to a female (i.e. girl, woman, mother). Perhaps something different for each of these comes to mind, but what do they all have in common? All three have beauty that is expressed inwardly and outwardly, intellect, and most have some sense or definition of morality they choose to live by.

Our culture seems to have a spin on each on of these commonalities for example:

1. Seeking to find value in performance only based on ones intellect
2. Stating or at least encouraging the idea that value and goodness depend on ones abilities to follow the rules within religious groups
3. Last but not least, putting endless media out that fosters the belief that we must prove ourselves worthy of acceptance

When we talk to girls we must focus on all three, for no one of these things is more important than another. Many women both young and old have become confused by the messages they receive about outward beauty in particular, and as a result, recent statistics show the following:

1. 15 to 18 percent of girls under 12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly
2. Eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down
3. 25 percent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize.
4. Even bright, successful college women say they'd rather be hot than smart.

Proverbs 31:30 warns, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain.” One of more blunt verses in Scripture, Proverbs 11:22 says, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.” These warnings tell us that this is not just an issue for American women of the 21st century. There is something universal in this struggle that isn’t going away in our time. Just something to think about.....

2012 Topics

Happy New Year everyone! I hope it is starting off well. Just wanted to post some topic ideas I'm considering for this years blog and get your feedback. I would also like to invite you to make suggestions regarding topics you would like to know more about.

This years list so far:

Information on Chronic pain and the Brain

Working Memory and the Brain

What to say to young girls to help boost confidence and self esteem

Issues with Aging and Women

Information on behavior management/discipline and the role moms and dads play

Feel free to ask about any of these topics, as well as others that aren't listed, and I will do my best to provide accurate information.

Merry Christmas Everyone

Hello Ladies, For my December blog, I thought I write about some of the things Christmas means to me. It means so many things to so many different people, so feel free to share what Christmas means to you below.

For me it means:

Remembering the birth of my Savior, Jesus Christ and celebrating my salvation
Spending time with family and friends I have missed during the year
Remembering it is better to give than receive and doing so
Making wonderful food and eating it
Singing wonderful songs of cheer and hope for the new year


.....many more.....


I hope you enjoy this video:

http://www.wheresthelinetoseejesus.com/